Ladies and gentlemen, good evening. We are delighted to meet you for this cosy show of Act'in, special Classic French. To appreciate this show, we invite you to turn off your phone. Thank you. Classics are no age. And to prove it to you tonight, we have selected several French works to reconstitute a contemporary life. Tonight let's take the thread of life together through our different characters. Love ... This feeling … Where does it start? An attraction, a 'love at first sight' ... Yes … after? Do we know how to express it correctly ... The Would Be Gentleman by Moliere (acte II, scène 4) PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Now to our lesson.What would you like to learn? MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Teach me how to spell. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Very gladly. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Afterwards, you’ll teach me the almanac, so that I know when there is a moon and when not. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: All right. To proceed logically and treat this matter as a philosopher, it is necessary to begin according to the order of things, by an exact knowledge of the nature of the letters and of the different ways of pronouncing them all. And thereupon I must tell you that letters are divided into vowels, called vowels because they express the sounds; and into consonants because they blend with the vowels and only mark the various points of articulation of the vowels. There are five vowels: A, E, I, O, U. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I understand all that. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel A is formed by opening the mouth wide: A. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: A, A. Yes. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel E is formed by bringing the lower jaw close to the upper jaw: A, E. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: A, E; A, E. Yes, oh yes! Ah! How beautiful! PHILOSOPHY MASTER: And the vowel I, by bringing the jaws still nearer each other and stretching the two corners of the mouth towards the ears: A, E, I. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: A, E, I. I. I. I. That’s true. Long live knowledge! PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel O is formed by opening the jaws and drawing together the two corners of the lips, upper and lower: O. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: O, O. There’s nothing truer. A, E, I, O, I O... That’s wonderful! I, O, I, O. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The opening of the mouth happens to make a little circle in the shape of an O. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: O, O, O. You’re right! O. Ah! What a fine thing it is to know something! PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel U is formed by bringing the teeth nearly together without completely joining them, and thrusting the two lips outward, also bringing them nearly together without completely joining them: U. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: U, U. There’s nothing truer. U. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Your lips thrust out as if you were making a face, so that if you want to make a face at someone and mock him, you have only to say “U” to him. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: U, U. That’s true. Ah! Why didn’t I study sooner in order to know all that! PHILOSOPHY: Tomorrow we shall look at the other letters, which are the consonants. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Are there things as interesting about them as about these? PHILOSOPHY MASTER: I’ll thoroughly explain all these strange things to you. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Please do. But now, I must confide in you. I’m in love with a noble lady, and I’d like you to help me write something to her in a short note that I will drop at her feet. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Very well. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Won’t that be an elegant gesture? PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Yes! Is it verse that you wish to write her? MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no. No verse. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: You want only prose? MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, I don’t want either prose or verse. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It must necessarily be one or the other. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Why? PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Because, Sir, we have only prose or verse to express ourselves. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: We have only prose or verse? PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Yes, Sir, everything that is not prose is verse, and everything that is not verse is prose. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: And when one speaks, what is that then? PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Prose. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What! When I say, “Nicole, bring me my slippers, and give me my nightcap,” that’s prose? MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Goodness! I have been speaking prose for over forty years without being aware of it, and I am much obliged to you for having taught me that. So, I would like to say in a note to her: “Beautiful marquise, your lovely eyes make me die of love,” but I want that expressed elegantly, prettily. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Write that the fires of her eyes reduce your heart to ashes; that you suffer night and day for her the torments of a... MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no, no. I want none of that; I only want what I told you: « Beautiful marquise, your lovely eyes make me die of love.” PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It should be a little lengthier. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, I tell you, I want only those words in the note, but expressed stylishly, elegantly arranged. Please tell me, just to see, the different ways one could put them. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: One could put them first of all as you said: “Beautiful marquise, your lovely eyes make me die of love.” Or else: “Of love to die make me, beautiful marquise, your lovely eyes.” Or else: “Your lovely eyes, of love make me, beautiful marquise, die.” Or else: “Die, your lovely eyes, beautiful marquise, of love make me.” Or else: “Me make your lovely eyes die, beautiful marquise, of love.” MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: But, of all those ways of saying it, which is the best? PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The way you said it: “Beautiful marquise, your lovely eyes make me die of love.” MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I never studied, and yet, I made the whole thing up at the first try. I thank you with all my heart, and please come early tomorrow morning. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: I shall certainly do so. A short note, a letter, a message to express to him/her, his/her attraction. The message has passed and the answer is positive! Here is the first meeting, the man and the woman learn to know each other, meet each other … Until finally you have to dare and declare your passion ... Dom Juan  ACTE II , SCENE ONE : CHARLOTTE, peasant-girl ,PIERROT, peasant CHARLOTTE Holy Mother of God, Pierrot, you came alon PIERROT By God, they were both only a CHARLOTTE What, did some squall this morning swoop by and churn up the seas? PIERROT Look, Charlotte, I’m going to tell you exactly how it happened; because, as they say, I was the first to spot them, I was. So I was on the bank with Fat Lucas and we were fooling around with some lumps of mud that we were throwing at each other’s heads; because, you know, fat Lucas loves to joke around, and me sometimes I like to play around too. I saw something far off that was splashing in the water, and was headed our way in spurts. I saw it clear as day, and then all of a sudden I didn’t see anything at all. “Eh! Lucas,” I said, “I think there are some men swimming over there. “As sure as you’ve got mud in your eyes!” he said to me. “By God,” I said to him, “there’s nothing wrong with my eyes: it was some men.” “Naw” he said, “it’s mud!” “You wanna bet,” I said, “that there’s no mud in my eyes and that there are two men,” I said, “and that they’re swimming this way?” “By God,” he said, “I’ll bet they aren’t!” “Oh, yes! “ I said, “I’ll bet ten coins they are!” Than we got a clear view of the two men, who were waving for us to come help; but first I had to pull my winnings out of the tar. Then I said “Come on, Lucas, you can see they’re waving; lets go quickly to help!” “No way” he said, “they made me lose my bet.” To make a long story short and get straight to the end, I sermoned him and we got in a boat, we rowedto them fast and then we pulled them out ofthe water, and then we brought them back to our place next to the fire where they stripped totally naked to dry themselves, So that, Charlotte, is exactly how it happened. CHARLOTTE Did you say, Pierrot, that one of them was more handsome and more finely built than the others? PIERROT Yes, that was the master. He must be some really great big Sir, because his garment were threaded with gold from top to bottom. CHARLOTTE : Oh come on ! PIERROT O! I swear to it, without us he would have been lucky to save his skin. CHARLOTTE And is he still at yours , Pierrot, completly in the nude? PIERROT No, no. They all got dressed up back right in front of us. Golly, I ain’t never seen a gentleman get dressed before! These grand Sirs of the court are buttoned up in more frills and bangles than you can imagine! I would totally disappear in their clothes, and was struck stupid just to see it happen. Golly , Charlotte, their hair’s not even attached to their head, and they button it on after everything else. Their sleeves are so huge that the two of us could climb into one. CHARLOTTE By golly, Pierrot, I want to get a look. PIERROT Sure. But first, listen, Charlotte: I have something else to say to you, I do. CHARLOTTE Speak, then. What is it? PIERROT You, see, Charlotte, I must, I have to, as they say, I need to unburden my heart. I love you, and you know it, but, I hate to say it, I am not at all satisfied with you. CHARLOTTE What? What is it then? PIERROT Something troubling my mind. CHARLOTTE What? PIERROT You don’t love me. CHARLOTTE Haha: Is it the only problem? PIERROT That’s all, but that’s plenty. CHARLOTTE By golly Pierrot, you’re always saying the same old thing. PIERROT I’m always saying the same old thing, because it is always the same old thing; and if it wasn’t always the same old thing, I would not always be telling you the same old thing. CHARLOTTE But what can I do? What do you want? PIERROT By golly I want you to love me. CHARLOTTE Don’t I love you? PIERROT No, you don’t love me, even though I’ve done everything I can to make you. I buy you ribbons from every mercer who’s passed without complaining,; and I break my neck finding those mercers CHARLOTTE But, my goodness, I do love you. PIERROT Yes; you have a weird way of showing it CHARLOTTE What would you have me do? PIERROT we should do what people do when they love each other the right way. CHARLOTTE Don’t I love you as one should? PIERROT No. when people love each other the right way you can see it, and people in love do a thousand stupid things to show each other that they are in love with all their hearts.. Look at Fat Tomasina, how she is besotted with young Robin: she’s always around him and never lets him be. Golly Moses, it’s no good. You are too cold to people. CHARLOTTE What do you want me to do? It’s my personality. I cannot be re-made. PIERROT Don’t blame your personality. When someone feels love, one always gives some little signs. CHARLOTTE Still, I love you as much as I can, and if you’re not happy with that, you can always go love someone else. PIERROT Well, that settles it. Good golly, if you loved me, would you say something like that? CHARLOTTE Why do you want to torment me like this? PIERROT What have I done? I’m only asking for a little love. CHARLOTTE Good! Well take it easy, and stop pressuring me. Maybe it will happen all of a suddingif stop pressuring me. PIERROT Put your hand here, then, Charlotte. CHARLOTTE There. PIERROT Promise me that you will try to love me more. CHARLOTTE I will try to do what I can, but it has to happen on its own. Pierrot, is that the Sir you were talking about? PIERROT Yes, that’s him. CHARLOTTE Sweet baby Jesus he is something to look at it would have been a shame if he’d drowned. -PIERROT I’ll be back later: I’m going to go drink some wine to help recover from that hard swim Here is a love declaration very original! And normally, if all goes well, the marriage proposal follows and here we go ! We are the day before the great fateful day .... And sometimes, doubt settles in our bridegroom. Did he make the right choice? INDECISION OF M. CH. DE SIVRY 1881. THE INDECIS. Should I marry my blonde cousin with whom I waltzed on Wednesday at Madame de Trois-Etoiles? Here. By golly! ... First! ... Family life ... Adorable! ... Fire place ... Long winter evenings ... Piano … Very suffocated in a corner ... Round table. .. Lamp ... Pink lampshade ... Lace ... Needlework … Charming all that, the poetry of the interior ... Interior! ... Home Office! (Ministry of the Home office!) Yes, but, here ... Screwed ... Pinioned … The rope around the neck ... aroud the neck ... the rope. Whilst free. Amanda, Chinetta, Musidora. The rope around the neck ... aroud the neck ... the rope. Whilst free. Amanda, Chinetta, Musidora. It's not a reason because ... Oh! But not often ... Yes, but then scenes of ... tears ... stories! I have this in horror ... Serious! .. Very serious! ... Very serious all that … NO ! After all, a question of skill! ... And then women have so much pride. Never doubt it ... will swear to him ... will say: "Never loved you. " And then, not bad, cousin ... Pretty, even ... Small nose ... Eyes ... Mouth ... Funny to fall in love with his wife ... Badly worn ... Why not? ... My wife’s lover? ... Very original! ... Her lover ... Her second father ... Her second mother ... Her mother !!! ... Her mother! ... She looks like him (after a pastel) ... A long time ago ... (the time we were still doing pastels!) It's sad … It's striking! ... striking … The same features ... The nose ... The eyes ... The mouth ... And then, very shrewish, the mother-in -law ... "My son-in-law, my son-in-law. Spend nights outside ... This poor child, my daughter ! " NO ! After all, we do not see ourselves growing old ... We get older together ... By the way ... Younger than me ... Will bury me ... Will cry me ... Will forget me ... Will remarry ... Destiny ... All mortals! The fate ... fortune ... fortune? ... She has it... She will have it ... Old Parents... Very old. Will not go far! Forged in the East ... Values ​​... farms ... 3 stars Domaine ... Five million euro or so. To share between ... six brothers and sisters in total... In 5 how many times 6 ... It does not go ... I add a zero ... In 50 how many times 6. .. He's going there... 5 times 6, 30 ... 6 times 6, 36 ... 7 times 6 ... (I was never able to get multiplication tables in my head) 7 times 6 ... 6 ... 6 ... six children! What fertility! Go well pastel! ... 6 times 7 ... (It's hereditary that is) 6 times 7. (Well constituted, promises) ... 6 times 7 for ... fort ... 42! Forty-two children! NO ! After all, nurses ... Boys ... College ... Girls ... Convent ... Birds ... Well worn ... All raised. No friend childhood, no little cousin ... Yes, by the way, cousin! ... Second lieutenant ... 28th in line ... My ex-regiment (oh, for twenty-eight days, the reserve). .. Nice sub-lieutenant ... Dangerous ... Very nice ... But not polite under arms ... Treated me of hammerhead during a review ... The service ... Forgiven ... Good friends! ... Will come to see us often ... Oft .... - very often … childhood Friend... Will make me. I will kill him! Not him, his job ... She alone, she alone guilty! ... "Madam. miserable ! "A knife stab ... Pan! ... At the police. "Monsieur ... am a prisoner Woman was cheating ... Murdered ... ..." Court ... Prison ... Always acquitted ... Lawyer plodder! Not caught in the act ... Premeditation .. Investigation ... Verdict ... Death sentence !!! Definitely, I will marry my blonde cousin with whom I waltzed Wednesday at Madame de Trois-Etoiles! After this reassessment ... sometimes ... necessary for some, here we are finally at the big wedding day ... The Marriage of Figaro, Scene 1 Le Mariage de Figaro Figaro._ EIGHTEEN feet by twenty-six, good. Susan._ Ah , Figaro, do you like my new hat? Figaro._ Without comparison, my charming. Oh ? that this pretty virginal bouquet, raised on the head of a beautiful girl, is sweet on the morning of the wedding, to the loving eye of a husband! Susan._What art thou so busy about? Figaro._Measuring, to try if the bed our noble Lord intends to give us will stand well here. Susan._In this chamber! Figaro._Yes. Susan._I won’t lie in this chamber. Figaro._Why so? Susan._I tell you I won’t lie in this chamber. Figaro._Well but— Susan._I don’t like it. Figaro._Your reason. Susan._What if I have no reason?—What if I don’t chuse to give my reason? Figaro._“Ah, ah!—Thus it is when once they think they have us fast. Susan._“Are you, or are you not my most obedient very humble servant? Figaro._“But wherefore take exception to the most convenient room in the whole house?“If during the night my Lady should be taken ill, she rings her bell, and crack!—in two steps thou art standing at her side.—In the morning when my Lord wakes, he calls, I start, and pop—three skips and I am There. Susan._“Very true.And in the morning when my Lord has sent thee on some fine errand of an hour long, he starts from his bed as soon as Mr. Figaro’s back is turn’d, and crack!in three skips—he Figaro._what? Susan._ Listen to me … Figaro._ What? Say to me! Susan._ My honey, Tired of prowling among the rustic beauties of the neighbourhood, the Count of Almaviva returned to the Castle, no in her wife's room but in YOUR wife's room.Dost thou understand me? This chamber is perfect to his business. This is what he hints to me every instant, and this the faithful Basil, honest agent of his pleasures, and my most noble music master, every day repeats with my lesson. Figaro_Basil!Indeed! But if tough ashen plant or supple-jack twine not round thy lazy sides, Rascal Susan._Ha, ha, ha! Why wert thou ever wise enough to imagine the portion the Count intends to give us was meant as a reward for thy services? Figaro_ I think I had some reason to hope as much. Susan._ The smart people are stupids! Figaro._ Apparently. Susan._ But, we don't want believe it Figaro._ It is wrong. Susan._ Thou knowest how our generous Count when he by thy help obtained Rosina’s hand, during the first transports of love abolished a certain gothic right... Do you know if it was sad? Figaro._ Oh yes, if the Count of Alamavina, Which as Lord of the Manor he could claim it, or I would not have married even my charming Susan in his Domain. Susan._ And endeavours, once more, secretly to purchase from her, a right which he now most sincerely repents he ever parted with. Figaro._My head softens with surprise, and my forehead fertilized ... Susan._ Don't rubb it like that! Figaro._Why? Susan._ If you continue, you will have a small spot, superstitious people... Figaro._ You joke darling! Ah! Oh that it were possible to deceive this arch Deceiver, this Lord of mine! To lead him into some excellent snare, pocket his gold and— Susan._Hah! Now thou art in thy element—Gold and intrigue. Figaro._ It's not shame that holds me back. Susan._ Fear? Figaro._I’ll try—“The Lover’s jealousy and the Husband’s shame shall not deter me”—Your trick, most noble Count, is common place—A thousand blundering Boobies have had art enough to filch a Wife from the side of her sleeping, simple, unsuspecting Spouse, and if. Susan._Hark! My Lady is awake—I must run, for she has several times strictly charged me to be the first at her bedside the morning of my marriage. Figaro._Why the first? Susan._The old saying tells us, that to meet a young Bride the first -day is lucky to a neglected wife.  Figaro._Prithee, my Susan, give me a kiss before thou goest Susan._To be sure!—But if I kiss my Lover to-day what will my Husband say to me to-morrow? Susan._Well! Well! Figaro._It will quicken my wits, and lend imagination a new impulse. Susan._ Pshaw Figaro! when wilt thou cease to trifle thus from morning till night. Figaro._When I may trifle from night to morning  The wedding day, is not the happiest day of a couple's life? A festive day, family and friends are present. A memorable day that goes well too fast. We are already in the evening and the first wedding night ... Monologue for women from Medea Jean Anouilh, La Table Ronde, 1947, p.78-80. It's now, Medea, that you have to be yourself ... Oh! Great living beast that crawls on me and licks me, take me. I am yours tonight, I am your wife. Penetrate me, tear me up, swell and burn in my midst. You see, I welcome you, I help you, I open myself ... Touch me with your big hairy body, hold me in your big calloused hands, your breath on your mouth, listen to me. I live finally! I suffer and I am born. These are my nuptials. It was for this night of love with you that I lived. And you, night, heavy night, rustling night of muffled cries and struggles, night teeming with the leap of all the beasts chasing each other, who are caught, who kill each other, wait a little longer please, do not pass too fast ... O innumerable beasts around me, obscure workers of this moor, innocent, terrible, killer ... That's what they call a calm night, men, this giant swarm of silent couplings and murders. But I feel you, I hear you all tonight for the first time, in the depths of water and grass, in the trees, under the earth ... The same blood beats in our veins. Beasts of the night, stranglers, my sisters! Medea is a beast like you! Medea will enjoy and kill like you. This heath touches other moors and heaths, and still others, to the limit of the shadow, where millions of such animals are caught and slaughtered at the same time. Beasts of this night! Medea is there, standing in your midst, consenting and betraying her race. I push with you your dark cry. I accept as you do, without wanting to understand the black commandment. I crush with my foot, I extinguish the little light. I make the shameful gesture. I take on myself, I assume, I claim. Beasts, I am you! All that hunts and kills this night is Medea! The excitement, the shared happiness of the beginnings. Then the years pass, and the happiness of the life of couple dissipates as and when the time: the loveliness, the boredom, the exasperation settles progressively, until ... The doctor in spite of himself : Sganarelle(A woodcutter )-Martine (His wife )(Acte I, scène 1) SGANARELLE _Stop! Bicker, badger, You gain nothing by it. Here I'm the master; I want some quiet MARTINE_ And I repeat, sir, I am not your slave; I shall hassle till you behave. SGANARELLE _ Such a wife Would drive a saint to the bottle. Wise Aristotle put it well When he said married life Was like a living hell. MARTINE _ Go along with your Latin And your Aristotle! SGANARELLE_ My profound erudition Know-nothings find unnerving. In the woods, look around, And where else can you find A scavenger as sound On the nature of the mind, Who can boast on the side Of seven years of serving A doctor known nation-wide For command of the art? MARTINE_ Sot. SGANARELLE _ Idiot. MARTINE Poor me! No wonder, enslaved to you. Nothing but disaster Since the fatal day I said I do. SGANARELLE _ This harpy should discourage Any fellow thinking of marriage! Nothing but disaster Since the fatal day I said I do. MARTINE_ It serves you right to suffer. You have to be happy without giving thanks to Heaven for having me for your wife, and do you deserve to marry someone like me? SGANARELLE_ It is true that you do me too much honor, and that I had reason to praise the first night of our wedding. Hey ! Morbleu, do not make me talk about it, I will say certain things ... MARTINE_ What? What did you tell? SGANARELLE_Enough, let us leave this chapter, it is enough that we know what we know: and that you were very happy to find me.. MARTINE_What do you call very happy to find you? A wastrel, an idler, a lazy bum. Who eats me out of house and home. SGANARELLE_ You lie! For drink is half my diet. MARTINE_ Who sell everything in the house. SGANARELLE_ Home again,... MARTINE_ You should hide your head in shame, Even selling our bed for liquor. SGANARELLE_ So that you will not oversleep. MARTINE_ Finally who leaves no furniture in the whole house. SGANARELLE_ We move more easily. MARTINE_ Who gamble, squander and spend all the day. SGANARELLE_ It's not to bother me. MARTINE_ What do you do with my familly when you drink? SGANARELLE_ Whatever you like. MARTINE_I have 4 babes-in-arms to attend. SGANARELLE_Put them down, dear. No need to hold them. MARTINE_Poor little things! All underfed, From dawn to dusk they cry for bread. SGANARELLE_Give them the whip. When I have drunk and eaten well, I want everyone to be drunk in my house. MARTINE_You think, drunkard,Putting right over wrong Is a matter of choice. SGANARELLE_So you're the angel, I'm the boor! Slow down, my dear, and save your voice. MARTINE_The ordeal I daily endure From your indecent and dissolute ways. SGANARELLE_ Stay quiet my wife. MARTINE_ That unquenchable thirst never under control! SGANARELLE _Your testy temper takes a toll. I'll stomach no more of your nagging. I've an able arm, and a hand. MARTINE_Of his brawn the bully is bragging. SGANARELLE_ Or a stick ready to land. MARTINE_ My tongue he's attempting to tame? SGANARELLE _Sweet, you leave no other recourse; Sick and tired of playing a game, You force me to answer with force. MARTINE _Do you think I am scared? SGANARELLE _ I've given you warning! MARTINE _How manly! SGANARELLE _ I will beat you! MARTINE _ Wino SGANARELLE _ This I will not stand. MARTINE _ Disgrace! SGANARELLE _ I am taking command. MARTINE _Show me! Take a swat. You good-for-nothing pig! Coward! Bully! Liar! Swine! We arrive at the point of no return. The break, the divorce. 2 options are at our disposal: to reborn or disappear … Let's see this last option, to die alone, with a love that we will never be able to share .... ANTIGONE Jean Anouilh You disgust me with your happiness! With your idea of life — that life that must go on, come what may. You are all like dogs that lick everything they find. You with your promise of a humdrum happiness — provided a person doesn’t ask too much of life. I WANT EVERYTHING OF LIFE AND I WANT IT NOW! I WILL NOT BE MODERATE. I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED WITH THE BIT OF CAKE YOU OFFER ME IF I PROMISE TO BE A GOOD LITTLE GIRL. If life must be a thing of fear, and lying and compromise; if life cannot be free and incorruptible , I choose death! Yes! Like In my father's own voice! We come of FROM a tribe that asks questions, and we ask them remorselessly, to the bitter end. UNTIL NO TINIEST CHANCE OF HOPE REMAINS TO BE STRANGLED BY OUR HANDS. WE ARE FROM THE TRIBE THAT HATES YOUR FILTHY HOPE, YOUR DOCILE HOPE; HOPE, YOUR WHORE . Creon, I do not want to see their faces, I do not want to say their faces, I do not want to see anyone anymore! You have my death now, it's enough. Make sure I do not see until it's over. ANTIGONE. It's you, isn’t it? FIRST GUARD. What do you mean, me? ANTIGONE. The last human face that I will see. FIRST GUARD. Yes, Guess so. ANTIGONE. Let me see you... FIRST GUARD – All right ANTIGONE. How old are you? FIRST GUARD. Thirty-nine. ANTIGONE. Got any children? FIRST GUARD. Yeah. Two. ANTIGONE. Do you love them? FIRST GUARD. What’s that got to do with you? ANTIGONE. How long have you been a Guard? FIRST GUARD. Since the war. I was in the army. A sergeant. Then I joined the Guard. ANTIGONE. Listen. FIRST GUARD. Yes…. ANTIGONE. I will die later FIRST GUARD. On the other side, people have a lot of respect for guards, they do. A guard is a soldier, but he's kind of a civil servant also,. ANTIGONE. Do you think it hurts to die? FIRST GUARD. How would I know? During the war, those that were stabbed in the belly they hurt. Me, I wasn’t injured and in a way it stopped me from being promoted ANTIGONE. You are very kind. There is something I want. I want you to give someone a letter from me, when I will be dead. FIRST GUARD. What do you mean a letter ? ANTIGONE. Yes, I want to write a letter; and I want you to give it to someone for me. FIRST GUARD. Hey, wait a minute. Take it easy. I put myself at risk going out and handing out letters for you. ANTIGONE. I’ll give you this ring if you accept to do it. FIRST GUARD: Is it gold? ANTIGONE: Yes, It is. FIRST GUARD. Uh-uh. No can do. Suppose they Search me. I might get six months for a thing like that. Listen, tell you what I’ll do. You tell me what you want to say, and I’ll write it down in my book. Then, afterwards, I’ll tear out the pages and give them to that person, see? If it's in my handwriting, it's all right. ANTIGONE. your writing? NO. THAT WOULD BE AWFUL. In your handwriting. FIRST GUARD. All right, if you don’t need my help after all ANTIGONE. No, keep THE RING. But be quick . We are getting out of time. Write"My darling–" FIRST GUARD. The boyfriend, eh? ANTIGONE. "My darling. I had to die, and perhaps you won’t love me any more..." FIRST GUARD. “ – My darling. I had to die, and perhaps you won’t love me any more..."” ANTIGONE. "Creon was right. It’s awful, now, next to this man I don’t know why I die any longer. I’m scared FIRST GUARD. " – Creon was right. It’s awful… ANTIGONE. " Oh and Hemon, our little boy. I now just understand how it was simple to live FIRST GUARD. Hey, take it easy! I can’t write that fast, slow down a little bit ANTIGONE. Where were you? FIRST GUARD. "— It’s awful, now, next to this man ANTIGONE_ I don't know why I die... FIRST GUARD_ “man I don’t know why I die any longer...” … No-one ever knows why we die ANTIGONE. I am scared....No. Scratch that out. Nobody must know that. They have no right to know. It's as if they saw me naked and touched me, after I am "Forgive me." FIRST GUARD. I cut out everything you said there at the end, and I put down, "Forgive me.” ANTIGONE. Yes. "Forgive me, my darling. You would all have been so happy if it hadn’t been for Antigone. I love you." . FIRST GUARD. "Forgive me, my darling. You would all have been so happy if it hadn’t been for Antigone. I love you »Is that all? ANTIGONE. That's all. FIRST GUARD. It is a funny letter. ANTIGONE. Yes it is. FIRST GUARD. Now for whom is that letter for? To be reassured, a divorce can have a completely different consideration in women! It can be a new departure, a rebirth, a daring we did not have before. As much to enjoy ... we taste at all if it's too young for you … The Assembly of Women: Aristophanes. YOUNG MAN_ Aphrodite’s bud! The golden work of a brilliant jeweller! Muses’ bee, Graces’ baby, Visor of the most tender Open up for me and give welcome to my love I beg you, placate my pain. Old Woman_ Hey, you! What’s all this knocking? Are you looking for me? YOUNG MAN_Shocked Hell! Where did you get suchidea? Old Woman_ But you were banging on my door. YOUNG MAN_I...I... I’d rather die! Old Woman_ Well then? What are you looking for with your torch. YOUNG MAN_I... I’m looking for a good citizen of Anaplhyste ! Old Woman_Who exactly? YOUNG MAN_By Sebinus You’re probably the one who’s expecting him! Old Woman_By Aphrodite! Whether you like it or not, you’re mine! Mine! YOUNG MAN_Shakes himself free. Wait, woman, wait! We don’t touch those past their sixties. We send them to retire . Right now we’re only handling those in their twenties Old Woman_ Under the previous Government, that was the case, sweetheart, but now let us pick first YOUNG MAN_He who wants to play must play by the rules of the game. Old Woman_ But... you don’t even eat your dinner by the rules of the game! YOUNG MAN_Looks puzzled I... I don’t know what you are saying. Now let me please knock on this door. Old Woman_ It’s my door that you have to knock on YOUNG MAN_But I told you, I don’t need a knocker right now! Old Woman_ I know you love me darling! You’re just shocked you’ve found me outside the house. Come, bring your lips closer to mine! YOUNG MAN_Ehhh, No! I’m terrified your lover might appear any moment! Old Woman_ My lover? Which lover? YOUNG MAN_The famous artist. Most distinguished artist there is Old Woman_ Oh yeah? And who might that be? YOUNG MAN_You know, the one who paints all those funereal urns. Mr Death, himself and in person. You better run off or he might see you at your door. Old Woman_ I know, sweetheart, I know! I know exactly what you need to make you happy! YOUNG MAN_By Zeus, and I know exactly what YOU need! Old Woman_ By Aphrodite! By the wonderful Aphrodite, who favored me with beauty. I’m not letting you go! YOUNG MAN_You’re off your head, old woman! Old Woman_You’re coming to my bed, darling. Right now! Follow me! YOUNG MAN_By Zeus! Look at her! No need to buy a bucket grip. Look at these teeth! Just send an old hag like this down the well and use her to grab all those buckets! Old Woman_ Once again she reaches for his phallus. Again he escapes. Enough playing hard-to-get, silly child! Come with me now! Here’s a good boy! YOUNG MAN_I don’t have to, old girl. At least not unless you’ve deposited in my safe, one fiftth of your possessions. Old Woman_ Oh yes you do! By Aphrodite, you certainly do have to come with me! You young folk are my greatest desire! I just love fucking with those your age! YOUNG MAN_No way. I shall never agree to fuck you. I just can’t get myself to even think about it. Never Old Woman_ by Zeus!You might not like it but this little decree will make you. YOUNG MAN_Hell! Wwwwwhat is that? Old Woman_ Hehehe! This, my darling boy, is a decree that says you’ve got to follow me! YOUNG MAN_Hell! Rrrrread out wwwwhat it says! Old Woman: All right, I’ll read it for you. Begins reading “The women have hereby decreed that if a man desires to fuck a young woman, he may do so only after he fucks an old one. Further, should this young man refuse to obey by this statute, the older woman shall be authorised to drag the aforesaid young man by his cock, without any legal ramifications to her person or property!” YOUNG MAN_ Oh no! Oh! Zeus help me! They’re turning me into a victim of Procrustes. Old Woman_ Our laws, young darling, must be obeyed! YOUNG MAN_Thinks hurriedly and anxiously What if a mate or a neighbour comes along and gets me out of this mess with a financial arrangement? Old Woman_ But, darling, there is yet another law which says, men can only sign contracts below the value of one medimnus. YOUNG MAN_Despondent Is there no escape? Old Woman_ Nope, no wiggling your bum out of this one, sweetie. It’s your legal duty! YOUNG MAN_ Ha! I’ll say I’m a businessman. You can never catch or prosecute businessmen! Old Woman_ Do that, honey and you’ll be sorry! YOUNG MAN_Deflated What can I do then? Old Woman_ Sweetheart: Follow me to my humble abode! YOUNG MAN_Pleading Is this absolutely necessary? Old Woman_ Ohhhh, absolutely, necessary! More necessary than you can imagine! Now you have the choice of the end to close this evening. But before that, we just want to thank all our comedians and wait "Do not go too fast" as some Medee would say, because again a cabaret of improvisation just after.